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TOPIC: Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating?

Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 3 days ago #3256038

  • Coraline
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I lost my dear husband suddenly a year and a half ago. I’m a bit lonely, though I’m far too proud to admit it, and I’d enjoy some non-pressured companionship. Still, I feel conflicted. Of course the simple answer is “Wait, you’ll know when it’s time,” but I don’t know about that — after all, I’m asking what YOU think! Thanks for your thoughts, ideas, and perhaps even your prayers.
The following user(s) said Well Said: Meeooow, SomeCallMeTim

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Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 3 days ago #3256041

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There is no right time whatever other people say. If it is what you want, just do it and seek what happiness you can.
The following user(s) said Well Said: TwistNShout, pascalou, Meeooow, T65KBK

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Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 3 days ago #3256042

  • Lotus blossom
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Maybe the key word here is nonpressured. Is there such a thing? People who haven't lost a beloved spouse couldnt possibly understand the pain, tears and yes anger you experience. My experience was of a long illness and then his passing. That happened 8 months ago. Sunday at church most hymns brought me to tears. To me the tears not coming will be my sign that I have come out of the abbyss. Friends tell me it's better to remain single that it is a matter of being able to transition back to being a single. Some people enjoy doing things alone. I believe you will know the exact moment you are healed. One morning I sat on the porch and heard the birds singing again without all that sad chatter and smiled again. Please tell us more of your journey.

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Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 3 days ago #3256044

  • Coraline
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I appreciate your kind & sensitive words.

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Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 3 days ago #3256134

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I suppose each person handles sadness in different ways. One of the hardest things to overcome is guilt, a person may feel they are betraying their lost partner if they venture to reach out for new companionship or love.
Time is too short to be over thinking things for too long.
If you can find happiness, grab it with both hands, if the shoe were on the other foot, I feel sure you would want your partner to find some happiness.
There is a risk that you may compare your partner who has passed, to a new person in your life.
Without comparison and judgement...take small steps.
The following user(s) said Well Said: NewTricks, SomeCallMeTim, T65KBK

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Music was my refuge.
I could crawl into the
space between the notes
and curl my back to
the loneliness.

Maya Angelou.

Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 2 days ago #3256228

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I wouldn’t think there is a ‘right time’ to start dating after the loss of your partner, if you are feeling lonely it may be time to start socialising more, join a club or group of like minded people, volunteer to help a charity that interest you, make new friends, I believe if you are meant to find a new partner fate will see you meet when the time is right
The following user(s) said Well Said: Meeooow, T65KBK

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Last edit: by Wren.

Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 2 days ago #3256776

  • JUJO
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Everyone needs to grieve, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, Losing a loved one is really painful,
Emotions are everywhere
Take your time to slowly get yourself together again.
Good Luck
The following user(s) said Well Said: Rhett1, Coraline

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No home is complete without the pitter patter of kitty feet.

Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 2 days ago #3256806

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I can’t believe it will be a year 4th July,my dear husband went,,he was ill for a long time and not the man he was,,but I miss him,I don’t feel the need to replace him,,
But I know other people feel differently,,I do think it important to take things slowly don’t rush into anything.
What will be will be,,if it’s meant to happen it will,,,
The following user(s) said Well Said: ron french, Pats, Meeooow

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Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 2 days ago #3256868

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I am not widowed,but people I know who are have told me,the first year is the hardest year,
First birthday,Easter,Father’s Day/Mother’s Day,Wedding Anniversary, Christmas,New Year,all without your loved one
Terribly difficult,
Rhett1 and everyone else so very sorry for your losses.
The following user(s) said Well Said: TwistNShout, Rhett1, Meeooow

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No home is complete without the pitter patter of kitty feet.

Widows, widowers — when’s the right time to start dating? 2 months 1 day ago #3256964

  • SomeCallMeTim
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I can only offer my sincere condolences to all who post and relate my own experience. The first year was an absolute nightmare, facing holidays, birthdays, and especially our anniversary alone. I was fortunate enough to have some very good friends upon whom I could lean, and who didn't blame or judge me (or at least didn't say they did) for sometimes canceling at the last minute because a sudden wave of melancholy had swept out of nowhere and I didn't have the energy to suppress it and act upbeat. For me, those happened quite frequently in the first two years, and can still surprise me to this day. Sometimes, it's something tangible like finding a picture in a drawer, or a particularly sunny autumn day that reminds me of that last day. Other times, it seems to be just time for me to be sad. As time goes by, that all but incapacitating wave of grief and despair becomes almost a bittersweet ache, and I think that's as it should be.

I didn't intend to write a book. Dating is difficult and the loneliness and longing are intensified when there isn't a match. Please be kind to yourself, and remember, you deserve to be happy, whether that comes in the form of a new romance or not.
The following user(s) said Well Said: Meeooow

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