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Many of us are carers now and so this category is for carers to share their thoughts and experiences

TOPIC: What Has Love Got To Do With It?

What Has Love Got To Do With It? 1 year 2 weeks ago #2868867

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I'm sure that one day an effective treatment will be found,Victor, the sooner the better !! Money spent on research would pay for itself in the long run if it means fewer people needing 24/7 care in nursing homes etc.
Life is certainly not all doom as you say, it's good that your sons are supportive and I think I read that you have dogs?, great companions and stress busters!!!:)

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What Has Love Got To Do With It? 1 year 2 weeks ago #2869751

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I am not an expert on anything. Loves come in many forms. After you are married for a while, it kind of sustains itself when both parties go through the trials of tribulations of life. Especially, when you have children. Ultimately, you become one in mind, body and soul (I know it sounds kind of corny), You have to overcome the pitfalls of marriage and the problems of raising children (in our case 4 sons). I reckon love matures as you age. I believe everyone has their pity parties (why me)? When disease strikes and you have to care for a loved one. Once you overcome the drama, it makes you stronger. My wife was there for me regardless of what the dire situation was. I can do no less for her. None of this problem probably makes sense,. It is just my opinion.

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What Has Love Got To Do With It? 1 year 2 weeks ago #2869777

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My hat is off to all of you in these positions, as I never had a clue about this topic....
today I learned so much about the duties of caring for a loved one and what hard work it is
physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you all so much....and I will be thinking of everyone from
today on xo
The following user(s) said Well Said: welshlion, Spring

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Goodbye November, hello December....with all your twinkling lights and winter beauty upon us.....

What Has Love Got To Do With It? 1 month 2 days ago #3106362

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That's a really simple question to answer in my case....absolutely nothing.

When I tell people what things are like and how long I've been in my situation, they say to me oh, you must love them a lot...and I have to tell them love has absolutely nothing to do with it. We share a house and I'm the carer...that's all. I've never been treated as you would in a loving relationship because none has ever existed. Before we got married I thought there was someone inside that I could release but I was young, naïve and jumped for the wrong reasons. I put myself in an emotional trap with no way out and now my sentence is for life. All I can do is hope that fate will allow me the chance to find lasting enjoyment in life while I give my life to another purely as a carer because if not, I know my life will always feel empty.

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What Has Love Got To Do With It? 1 month 2 days ago #3106398

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My wife attends a hospice every Tuesday for three hours, their illnesses are not discussed between the patients. One day Janet told me of a new female patient who told them that once she was diagnosed with her illness her husband packed his bags and left her. You can imagine there was sympathy all around for her. But, what if she had made his life such a misery for years and saw this as an opportunity to escape from her?
TT
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What Has Love Got To Do With It? 2 weeks 4 days ago #3116499

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welshlion wrote: All too often I hear the expression that caring is an act of love, but is it really....for me it did start as act of love, but over time due to varying issues I have found that that love has died. However I do care deeply for the person i'm a carer to, i just wouldn't call it love.
Judging from some of the posts on this forum and others, I get the feeling that I'm not alone in this but I do wonder how many would admit it was so?









I can only speak for myself, I was a carer for my late mum, I did everything,not because I had to,because I wanted to,she was my beautiful mum, I loved her and still love her so much.As a child,my mum looked after me,made sure I had everything, roles were reversed, I looked after my mum,made sure she had everything.

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Do I believe in love at first sight?
Absolutely,
I fall in love with every cat I see.

What Has Love Got To Do With It? 2 weeks 1 day ago #3119257

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I was the same. After losing my father, my mother moved closer but I rang her every night if I hadn't seen her during the day. It became habit but I wanted to make sure she was ok at all times even though I knew she would ring me if she needed me which she did at times. I was always very happy to pop out to her.

I often stayed with her for a couple of hours as we both enjoyed each others company. She used to say I kept her going but after I lost her I realised just how much respite she gave me too. When she became ill I did all I could for her. I also took her to the hospice thinking that she would be able to come home again but it wasn't to be so I visited her there every day just as I used to take my mother to visit my father when he had previously become ill.

After I lost her she left a huge void which I knew I had to try and fill so I joined various social activities to circle myself with new friends which worked but even they have never totally healed me inside because there is no love at home to replace what I've lost.
The following user(s) said Well Said: jennilin, maylily7651

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What Has Love Got To Do With It? 1 day 13 hours ago #3129811

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It's always difficult when you are caring for someone who has dementia type issues. That's an endless struggle with no foreseeable improvement to compensate for the immense effort one puts in, and the struggle is relentless.. Your life is not your own and even though you are a committed, willing carer it's difficult not to feel guilty for not doing even more . The satisfaction comes from knowing your loved one is safe for however long it's possible to manage.
The following user(s) said Well Said: Davegem

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What Has Love Got To Do With It? 1 day 3 hours ago #3130191

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If you were in a job that you love, you would have job satisfaction and if it was a job that you hated, you would leave to find another job. Some people say to me they admire me for the job I perform but I don't because a strong person would have found another job years ago that they could love that gave them job satisfaction in return. I think you are aware that it's very difficult to love anyone who hurts you daily unless perhaps they're your parents who you would still love if they became ill. I just care and do my job to the best of my ability, and try to remind myself of the other things I should be grateful for.
The following user(s) said Well Said: jennilin

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