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Started in 2014 to help Banish Loneliness and still going strong in 2020
This category is to talk about loneliness for any reason such as caring,or during covid-19 etc and to touch base with others so that you know you are not alone.

TOPIC: dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse

dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 1 year 1 month ago #3885902

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Adding information to the above post.

The box to put in your postcode to find services near you, is on the website, the URL of which is in the above post.

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PEACE to the world

dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 11 months 2 weeks ago #3909230

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Today the realty of being on my own really hit home. Just a simple job of changing a lightbulb was a nightmare. I’m only 5 foot tall and live in a bungalow with high ceilings. Family live a distance away and I would feel like ‘that nuisance old widow that lives next door’ if I asked a neighbour.
Last time I climbed a step ladder I fell off and hit my head knocking myself out. No one there to help.
I’ve been to clubs for my age group tried to join in with conversations but treated very much like an outsider. Contacted Age UK who were of no help. Went to a bereavement group and came home feeling worse!
When you are a child your friends are your school mates. When working they are your work mates. When retired and widowed and at a time you need company – nothing.
I’m sure plenty of folk on here will post how wonderful their life is being on their own.
Widowhood the reality?
I hate it.
The following user(s) said Well Said: cahoots, Maryjoolz, Keeper, Beauty, Tippy Lulu

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dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 11 months 2 weeks ago #3909265

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:xxx: :xxx: :xxx: :xxx:

Hello vpl ... sending you love and am so sorry you're struggling.

Grief has a rotten habit of catching us unawares at the most innocent of moments.

I think this kind of thing takes us by suprise a lot .... we are finally getting along ok and then a simple thing like a light bulb comes along and makes us feel all alone and helpless. It totally sucks :(

And life IS NOT fair :angry:

Which is kind of true .... it's ok to be upset and sad and frustrated. I hope you are crying it out but also taking care of yourself ... eating properly and getting out a bit if you can.

Do NOT go climbing up any ladders .... you are not failing or being weak ... just being sensible and taking good care of yourself.

I have the same problem with ceiling lights ... I have to wait for my son to come over but that's ok ... I thoroughly enjoyed buying some extra table lamps and have one wall light too that I can reach ... I don't have to wait for any one to change these bulbs wink.png and they create a really nice warm atmosphere.

I also have some rechargable spot light lamps if I want to do something that needs a good bright light, like sewing or craft work.

I'm sure it doesn't seem like it now but this will get better ... grieving is a process and it takes time ... you might find yourself feeling much better for a while and then go through a period of feeling really angry .... and then feel tearful again ... BUT it will level out.

It's still quite early days :xxx:


Well done for coming on and writing it out .... I think Buzz is really good with times like that and there is someone around most of the time ...

I hope you are having a better evening and that tomorrow will bring even better day.

Take good care xxxxxxxxxx
The following user(s) said Well Said: vpl, Maryjoolz, Beauty

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There is a crack ... a crack in everything .... That's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen ~ Anthem

dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 10 months 4 weeks ago #3913887

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Oh this is my first day here. Not sure what expect. Cannot seem to up a pix, will just dive right in. Hubby passed on 2 months ago. I am doing ok, than I will hear a song, smell a fragrance, or a pix, and bang..! I am useless. A sorry, weeping or tearful mess. I am doing ok with everything practical. I just keep missing him so very much, and it seems as if I am adrift.

I dread the nights, I have friends, family near. But alone in house at night sucks. It hurts....I am thinking about getting a puppy. Will the pain ease up after awhile? Anyone 6 months out or more?

Jazi

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dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 10 months 4 weeks ago #3914192

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Hi JAzi,so sorry to hear about your husbands passing xxx There is no easy answer to how you move on,for me it was slowly,the grief is horrendous,but it's the lonliness that is the killer.I did get a puppy and i don't feel so bad talking to myself now lol and yes they do make you go out and then you meet people,but they are very restictive if you want to eventually have days away,think long and hard on that one,and don't make big decisions too soon....give yourself a chance to grieve.Thinking of you.Mkae sure you come back on Buzz,it will be good for you.xx

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dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 10 months 4 weeks ago #3914197

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Following on from the original post,i started a club 2 years after my husband died suddenly, it's for widowed people in my local area,we now have a steady 9 in the group.We meet every Wed for lunch,and have been away for overnights,weekends away,holiday abroad and cruises.I started by putting a poster in the local community centre,also local cafes,especially one cafe used by lots of ladies of a certain age,but now our ladies are in the age group from 59 to 83...and we all get on very well.After my posters had been seen ,i was contacted byt a local newspaper ,who then done a bit about us and what we are all about.We are called Rainbows After The Storms,taken from a poem read out at my husbands funeral.It is not an easy path,but we WILL get there.xxxx

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dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 10 months 2 weeks ago #3917460

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What a lovely initiative Jinty.smile.png
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dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 10 months 2 weeks ago #3918034

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Spare a thought for people who are lonely even when living with a spouse. Sadly, some people have a spouse who barely communicates with them . You don’t have to be widowed to be lonely. This is especially so for a person who has mobility issues and can’t just put a coat on and go out.
The following user(s) said Well Said: jnic, cahoots, QuietMouse01, Maryjoolz, Keeper, Dennis 2, Amandine, Monty Bojangles, ReturningLace

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'Take the log out of your own eye then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.'
Matthew 7: 5
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dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 3 months 3 weeks ago #3984087

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Yeah just looking at the photo she looks like she had a personality to cherish i read about your church are you involved with them ? as we had a guy at ours who lost his beloved wife of 65 years to cancer and he's lost a lot of weight but has had the backing of the church members and each week he gets better and we all know time is the great healer but it don't help when you try to sleep and can't , but he knows that he will see her again and that's one of the main things for him , but we talk about the fun things and that gives him a chance to smile and answer with a giggle every now and then .....

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dealing with the loneliness of ur deceased spouse 3 months 3 weeks ago #3984138

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I have not yet had to deal with losing a spouse to death,
but I have had to deal with losing a significant other to
health and medical life altering illness and condition,
that was some years ago; there can exist a loneliness
being the sole supporter and caregiver for a partner.
it was important at that time, that I found encouragement
and support for myself also..
The following user(s) said Well Said: cahoots

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