Welcome, Guest
Username: Password: Remember me
Started just before Christmas 2014 as part of Buzz50's Banish Loneliness Campaign for Seniors over 50. Still going strong in 2017!
This category is for talk about loneliness and how to tackle it. Can you can help in our campaign?

TOPIC: the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 4 days ago #3483558

  • romulus1200
  • romulus1200's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • New Buzzer
  • New Buzzer
  • Posts: 11
  • Well said received: 14
  • Points: 460
have actually been on here for bout a year , the alcohol abuse is far longer (around 40 years) so I am well used to the situation and the loneliness, the Covid-19 hit hard as there was no escape, even the Al Anon meetings were shut down.
But I am a survivor in more ways than one and will keep doing what I can when I can

Please Log in to join the conversation.

Last edit: by romulus1200.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 4 days ago #3483561

  • JUJO
  • JUJO's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Titanium Buzzer
  • Titanium Buzzer
  • Posts: 1778
  • Well said received: 2270
  • Points: 5375
  • Honor Medal 2010

romulus1200 wrote: have actually been on here for bout a year , the alcohol abuse is far longer (around 40 years) so I am well used to the situation and the loneliness, the Covid-19 hit hard as there was no escape, even the Al Anon meetings were shut down.
But I am a survivor in more ways than one and will keep doing what I can when I can








Do you have family and friends who can help and support you both?
No home is complete without the pitter patter of kitty feet.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 4 days ago #3483564

  • romulus1200
  • romulus1200's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • New Buzzer
  • New Buzzer
  • Posts: 11
  • Well said received: 14
  • Points: 460
Not an option although I have thought about it thousands of times, I have the most fantastic family and a divorce would not be nice for them, sadly I am a bit old to start a new life

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 4 days ago #3483565

  • JUJO
  • JUJO's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Titanium Buzzer
  • Titanium Buzzer
  • Posts: 1778
  • Well said received: 2270
  • Points: 5375
  • Honor Medal 2010

romulus1200 wrote: Not an option although I have thought about it thousands of times, I have the most fantastic family and a divorce would not be nice for them, sadly I am a bit old to start a new life








In all honesty I would say,you must do what is best for you
No home is complete without the pitter patter of kitty feet.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 4 days ago #3483570

  • romulus1200
  • romulus1200's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • New Buzzer
  • New Buzzer
  • Posts: 11
  • Well said received: 14
  • Points: 460
My family are a great support, one of the reasons I am still here, unfortunately a lot of would be friends don't want to be around alcoholics and just sort of fade away.
An alcoholics spouse often suffers from depression (as I do) and is not very good company.
The Al Anon group is fantastic and are very supportive even during this lock down they have been there when needed.
I also have several interesting hobbies which keep me sane during the bad times. It is not all bad there are often good times there are short good times when she stops drinking for a couple of days, usually after one of our arguments and she is a totally different person
The following user(s) said Well Said: Keeper

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 4 days ago #3483573

  • romulus1200
  • romulus1200's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • New Buzzer
  • New Buzzer
  • Posts: 11
  • Well said received: 14
  • Points: 460
I do my best for myself and my family, have a 4th great grandson on the way in a few weeks, another reason to stay,

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 1 day ago #3485367

  • JUJO
  • JUJO's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Titanium Buzzer
  • Titanium Buzzer
  • Posts: 1778
  • Well said received: 2270
  • Points: 5375
  • Honor Medal 2010

romulus1200 wrote: I do my best for myself and my family, have a 4th great grandson on the way in a few weeks, another reason to stay,






Huge Congratulations to you on the forthcoming arrival on your new baby grandson
Best wishes
No home is complete without the pitter patter of kitty feet.

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 1 day ago #3485399

  • Bruce
  • Bruce's Avatar
  • Online
  • Platinum Buzzer
  • Platinum Buzzer
  • Posts: 813
  • Well said received: 1363
  • Points: 3104
  • Honor Medal 2010
I know it is a very tricky situation living with someone with an addiction, 40 years as you have is mind boggling and you have my respect.
My uncle was a serious alcoholic 2 bottles of brandy and numerous cans of beer each day, went on for about ten years with him checking in to clinics and then leaving again also promising to go to AA meetings and going around the back of the building walking off and going to the pub.
All came to a head when he was in hospital again and a psychiatrist came to talk to him, of course he listened but it went straight out the other ear, Only when his wife sat down alone with the psychiatrist and he explained it will continue as nothing is happening to make him try and take control he has the same routine day in day out and he is comfy so how can he cure a disease if he thinks he can walk out of clinics and just come home with the same excuses and she lets him back in and back to his same routine.
My aunt decided to get tough and again she told him she was booking him in to a clinic and as soon as he was in the car travelling to it she was having the locks changed on the doors and if he came home again before his treatment is done he will not be getting in. She had been planning this for a while and as soon as he went to the clinic she moved house and left instructions for whom ever collected him from the clinic to bring him to the new address only if he completed the clinic, He tried leaving the clinic again but got caught by some relative who strong armed him back in. And he told him never mind the locks being changed she has moved! And the only way you will ever get to see her again and your kids is if you complete this clinic, your choice let these people help you no matter how hard it is or lose everything you have including your comfort of your armchair and sitting boozing as it is never happening again in her house. Glad to say the shock of all the move and the real threat of no home no wife and no kids made him stay and get treatment as he realised he has to do it for himself if he is to have any chance of the life he craved but was destroying at the same time.
My aunt banned alcohol from the house when he came home now don't get me wrong they had some good old barney's over the next few months and it wasn't easy especially for him as it is a big change but continuous treatment from a psychiatrist following on from the clinic of why he turns to drink helped him understand too. He was sober for the next 17 years and enjoyed life unfortunately he got diagnosed with prostrate cancer and it claimed his life but he always thanked his wife for helping him see the light until the day he passed.
Professional help is needed and there is no shame in asking if it was a skin disease we would ask straight away alcoholism is a disease and there is help out there grasp it with both hands and get your lives back to a smile and a some fun.
LIVERPOOL FC PREMIER LEAGUE CHAMPIONS EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS AND WORLD CLUB CUP CHAMPIONS 2019-2020
The following user(s) said Well Said: LindaJoon, Libby, Keeper, Morgeno1, Lorna Doone, MoonlitRoads63

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 2 weeks 1 day ago #3485491

  • PJ54
  • PJ54's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Platinum Buzzer
  • Platinum Buzzer
  • Posts: 396
  • Well said received: 418
  • Points: 376
Are the materialistic things making you happy? Would losing them be so bad?
Life is to short to spend it in unhappiness!

Please Log in to join the conversation.

the loneliness of having an alcoholic spouse 1 week 3 days ago #3488547

  • Bluebelle
  • Bluebelle's Avatar
  • Offline
  • New Buzzer
  • New Buzzer
  • Posts: 3
  • Well said received: 9
  • Points: 3280
  • Honor Medal 2010
Hello Romulus
I know what you're going through. I was married to an alcoholic, he was a binge drinker. We had periods of normality between binges. It was hellish, domestic abuse,verbal and mental abuse. The nerves and the worry when he had been out a while and I knew he'd be drinking. The fear of him then coming home. He was incredibly nasty, treading on egg shells, not knowing what he'd do or say. He sometimes stayed out all night and I'd be so tired but dare not shut my eyes. Every little noise outside making my heart race thinking it's him. I envied other people's quiet stable lives, ours was chaos. Nobody to talk to because I kept it all contained. I didn't let people visit. Family parties, just me and my boys attended. No way was he gonna show us up and ruin it for everyone else. He caused scenes in the street we lived on. I felt paranoid, all the neighbours must be talking about us. I left a few times but always went back. He had stripped me of confidence, I couldn't go it alone. I finally walked out one day and never went back. We tried being together but living apart, that didn't work. I filed for divorce, he cried like a baby, begging me not to do it. I was on antidepressants for 10 years. Never did he admit he had a problem. He disagreed he was an alcoholic, so he was never going to seek help. I've been divorced 10 years now. I've never looked back. We've never spoken to each other and never will. I can't tell you the relief of being out of that situation. The nerves and anxiety have gone because I am safe now. I get why you're staying but unless your wife gets help nothing will change. At the same time you can't make an addict go to rehab.
Do whatever helps you to cope in this situation. It's desperately sad
The following user(s) said Well Said: Libby, Morgeno1, JUJO, Bruce

Please Log in to join the conversation.

Moderators: Pascaloumike
Time to create page: 0.217 seconds
Powered by Kunena Forum

Over 50 forums just for seniors Join Free here!

Buzz50 is one of the few sites where the forums are strictly restricted to those who are over 50 only.

Our senior forums are run by over 50s purely for over 50s to enjoy. If you like serious or even light hearted discussions then this is the place for you.