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Started just before Christmas 2014 as part of Buzz50's Banish Loneliness Campaign for Seniors over 50. Still going strong in 2017!
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TOPIC: Widowhood and loneliness

Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 4 days ago #3247807

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:xxx: for you Gerrylady.
Lost my husband 13 years ago now and although we both new the end was near it was still a massive shock.
As we had a business I, thankfully, still had to get up in the morning and deal with the day to day chores of the business.
As Rose57 said in an earlier post we all have to learn to do the things our partners used to do. I quickly understood that there was no way that i would be capable of a lot of the repairs and patching that he had so effortlessly dealt with so had to accept that i would have to 'buy in' that expertise.
At first it felt like failure but speaking with other widows and widowers, who were very frank, I began to accest the situation for what it was.

It took me 4 years to accept the loss and then gradually began to live for 'me' again.
Two things that I did for myself after the initial few years was to start helping at a local charity and went back to dance classes again ... something I stopped when I got married.
Both have proved lifelines for me and given me both purpose and fun in my life.

So my advice is ... when the time feels right ... and it varies from person to person... explore outside interests that gives you social interaction.

:xxx: :xxx: to you all
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Last edit: by spiritofspain.

Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 3 days ago #3248704

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I'm just stunned by the number of women (IRL and on line) who are almost militant in their "I don't need no man/ never going to get involved with a man again..too much trouble"..
I happen to LOVE men, miss being married, and hope to be again.

Sure...no one will "replace"/my husband, fill my late husbands shoes, any more than HE replaced/ filled the shoes of the guy i was with before him (for 8 years)...I am not expecting that.

But I'd *love* to find a guy to share my life with, and have ZERO patience for women who try and make me feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting that....I almost feel I need to apologize for it when i am around women like that. :angry:

If someone is happy with their girl group/ friends, and does not ever want to be partnered again..fine..I certainly wouldn't tell them / imply THEY are wrong for wanting what they want...
Do what makes YOU happy....to each their own

But there sure are a lot of women who don't mind shaming *me* for wanting what *I* want.
And it is hard to have those type women as friends, which isolates me even more. :(
The following user(s) said Well Said: maria2, FelisConcolor, Sue 8pal, hcf3sf

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Last edit: by bluegrassmusicfan.

Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 2 days ago #3249271

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Oh bluegrassmusicfan I an so sad that you are made to feel like that … I am very much a live and let live person and as you say - 'to each their own'
They must have led very unsatifactory lives with their previous partners to be like that!!!!

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Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 2 days ago #3249287

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bluegrassmusicfan wrote:
But there sure are a lot of women who don't mind shaming *me* for wanting what *I* want.
And it is hard to have those type women as friends, which isolates me even more. :(


Disassociate yourself from the shamers. "Friends" like that you do not need. I'm sure there are other women out there that share your views.
The following user(s) said Well Said: maria2, Rose57

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"However, a woman who sets her standards high will be far more likely to attract men who are willing to meet them. You deserve chivalrous men in your life, men who will respect you and authentically care for you, Do not give up on that. Do not settle for less." -- Samuel Brebner
Last edit: by norm1035.

Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 1 day ago #3249449

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bluegrassmusicfan wrote: I'm just stunned by the number of women (IRL and on line) who are almost militant in their "I don't need no man/ never going to get involved with a man again..too much trouble"..
I happen to LOVE men, miss being married, and hope to be again.

Sure...no one will "replace"/my husband, fill my late husbands shoes, any more than HE replaced/ filled the shoes of the guy i was with before him (for 8 years)...I am not expecting that.

But I'd *love* to find a guy to share my life with, and have ZERO patience for women who try and make me feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting that....I almost feel I need to apologize for it when i am around women like that. :angry:

If someone is happy with their girl group/ friends, and does not ever want to be partnered again..fine..I certainly wouldn't tell them / imply THEY are wrong for wanting what they want...
Do what makes YOU happy....to each their own

But there sure are a lot of women who don't mind shaming *me* for wanting what *I* want.
And it is hard to have those type women as friends, which isolates me even more. :(











bluegrassmusicfan,
This is your life,you do not need anyone’s permission, you live your own life as you see fit, if other people do not like it,that is their problem.
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Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 1 day ago #3249847

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Well, as I said....there seem to be far more of *that* type than ones that aren't.

I'd like to have some friends, but when you are looking for a needle in a haystack, it makes it harder.
One can't very well advertise for that, can they?
"would like to find some women who don't seem to hate men" doesn't sound quite right... :D
The following user(s) said Well Said: Sue 8pal, Rose57

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Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 1 day ago #3249951

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bluegrassmusicfan wrote: Well, as I said....there seem to be far more of *that* type than ones that aren't.

I'd like to have some friends, but when you are looking for a needle in a haystack, it makes it harder.
One can't very well advertise for that, can they?
"would like to find some women who don't seem to hate men" doesn't sound quite right... :D


A needle on a haystack, I like that choice of words... Although there are women who for their own reasons despise men, I agree they shouldn’t condemn or judge those that still have faith in finding a loving relationship.
I personally don’t despise men, on the contrary I have always dreamed of a relationship with 100% mutual Devotion, Trust and Love. However the best I can figure I trusted to easily and later discover I didn’t make wise choices. Hurt and betrayed to many times my heart doesn’t have to strength to trust again. Now I have health issues and learning to accept my limitations smile.png
I do honestly hope you find a compatible man to share life together smile.png
The following user(s) said Well Said: Sue 8pal

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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. – Robin Williams
Last edit: by Rose57.

Widowhood and loneliness 6 months 1 day ago #3250033

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Rose57 wrote:

bluegrassmusicfan wrote: Well, as I said....there seem to be far more of *that* type than ones that aren't.

I'd like to have some friends, but when you are looking for a needle in a haystack, it makes it harder.
One can't very well advertise for that, can they?
"would like to find some women who don't seem to hate men" doesn't sound quite right... :D


However the best I can figure I trusted to easily and later discover I didn’t make wise choices. Hurt and betrayed to many times my heart doesn’t have to strength to trust again. Now I have health issues and learning to accept my limitations smile.png


I am sorry you have been "hurt and betrayed too many times" and hope you have not allowed those to color your present existence negatively. :xxx:
The following user(s) said Well Said: Rose57

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"However, a woman who sets her standards high will be far more likely to attract men who are willing to meet them. You deserve chivalrous men in your life, men who will respect you and authentically care for you, Do not give up on that. Do not settle for less." -- Samuel Brebner
Last edit: by norm1035.

Widowhood and loneliness 5 months 3 weeks ago #3253933

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Coraline wrote: I can’t pretend to know EXACTLY how you feel, because we’re different people with different experiences in spite of our similarities, BUT I just wanted to thank you for your post. I lost my husband just under a year and a half ago. I knew he’d probably be first to go, but I had no idea how hard it would be. I’m learning to be self-reliant in ways I never had to be. The loneliness is hardest. God bless you.


I would suggest finding square dance lessons nearby. Nicest people I have ever found, lots of smiles and comradery, plus:
A shared loneliness cuts it in half.
A shared smile doubles it.

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Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass ... it's about learning to dance in the rain!

Widowhood and loneliness 5 months 3 weeks ago #3253978

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Well you "LONELY" lady's I think you have a distinct advantage over us gents. IF you look at all the social activities, day clubs, bingo etc I would say 95% are made up of lady's, you find it so easy to mix with each other socialise etc.We men are not that so inclined, we used to be able to meet like minded men over a pint in the local or WMC but they are nearly all gone or overpriced.You look at a Bingo session, lady's sit next to each other not having met before by the end of the evening their usually chatting like old friends it is your nature. So please there is no need for you to be alone JUST GIVE US WIDOWERS A THOUGHT NOW & AGAIN.
The following user(s) said Well Said: Sue 8pal

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