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Started just before Christmas 2014 as part of Buzz50's Banish Loneliness Campaign for Seniors over 50. Still going strong in 2017!
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TOPIC: Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help

Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 2 weeks ago #3317576

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Hello Lorna,
I think you and others here are actually Better qualified than the professionals because many of you would understand what it actually feels like when the system fails you or if you suffer from depression. The experiences I've posted are from 20 years ago before the computer age really took off so at that time I had no access to the internet. It was actually a couple of years later and thanks to a doctor who saw an advert by a local charity in a local magazine, that enabled me to reach out to other carers who understood what I was going through. It's only caring understanding people like you and others on Buzz who can really reach into peoples homes to show that they are not alone and that means much more to me than any counsellor, therapist or other professional who can't offer what lonely people really need - to know that someone genuinely cares about them and they're not alone, even if they feel it.

I'm not sure if it's due to me, the lack of support due to the cuts, or a combination of all those things, or just fate but I just feel that I've almost gone full circle to those days 20 years ago and now I'm struggling to find a way to get my enthusiasm and motivation back to keep going because every way out feels blocked and I can no longer find anywhere that makes me feel I really belong.

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Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 2 weeks ago #3317584

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weatherpoet wrote: Hello Lorna,
I think you and others here are actually Better qualified than the professionals because many of you would understand what it actually feels like when the system fails you or if you suffer from depression. The experiences I've posted are from 20 years ago before the computer age really took off so at that time I had no access to the internet. It was actually a couple of years later and thanks to a doctor who saw an advert by a local charity in a local magazine, that enabled me to reach out to other carers who understood what I was going through. It's only caring understanding people like you and others on Buzz who can really reach into peoples homes to show that they are not alone and that means much more to me than any counsellor, therapist or other professional who can't offer what lonely people really need - to know that someone genuinely cares about them and they're not alone, even if they feel it.

I'm not sure if it's due to me, the lack of support due to the cuts, or a combination of all those things, or just fate but I just feel that I've almost gone full circle to those days 20 years ago and now I'm struggling to find a way to get my enthusiasm and motivation back to keep going because every way out feels blocked and I can no longer find anywhere that makes me feel I really belong.


Many have been where you are, including myself. If you’re sincere which it sounds as though you are, You’ll find your way Weatherpost.

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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. – Robin Williams

Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 2 weeks ago #3318597

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I find it difficult to talk about it to my friends, so no way would I discuss with people on here.

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Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 2 weeks ago #3318781

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nam72 wrote: I can truly relate to what you are saying and feeling. Have you talked to your Dr. about something that may be able to help you? I have not spoken to my Dr. YET, but I have made up my mind to do so. My appt. is scheduled and I will approach the subject of my problem which I believe is first and foremost depression.


Good luck nam hope your appointment goes well smile.png
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Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 1 week ago #3318932

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Rose57 wrote:

weatherpoet wrote: Hello Lorna,
I think you and others here are actually Better qualified than the professionals because many of you would understand what it actually feels like when the system fails you or if you suffer from depression. The experiences I've posted are from 20 years ago before the computer age really took off so at that time I had no access to the internet. It was actually a couple of years later and thanks to a doctor who saw an advert by a local charity in a local magazine, that enabled me to reach out to other carers who understood what I was going through. It's only caring understanding people like you and others on Buzz who can really reach into peoples homes to show that they are not alone and that means much more to me than any counsellor, therapist or other professional who can't offer what lonely people really need - to know that someone genuinely cares about them and they're not alone, even if they feel it.

I'm not sure if it's due to me, the lack of support due to the cuts, or a combination of all those things, or just fate but I just feel that I've almost gone full circle to those days 20 years ago and now I'm struggling to find a way to get my enthusiasm and motivation back to keep going because every way out feels blocked and I can no longer find anywhere that makes me feel I really belong. Many have been where you are, including myself. If you’re sincere which it sounds as though you are, You’ll find your way Weatherpost.




The poster is a very distrusting way of looking at life. It's true that I've learnt to only rely on me to look after myself but "love is a four letter word without which there would be no five letter world" and although "love is freely given and the cost can feel too much to bear", I will always believe that you have to risk allowing someone to unlock your door if you're ever to stand a chance of finding true happiness and not forever living a life of loneliness.

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Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 1 week ago #3319240

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Locking the door on ones perceived condition. Is to retain it and suffer intensifying.
To open the door, as the OP, anomalously with lucidity, reveals the Pathway to resolve.
Never underestimate yourself or whats around the corner, waiting for YOU to find.
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Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 1 week ago #3319266

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weatherpoet wrote:

Rose57 wrote:

weatherpoet wrote: Hello Lorna,
I think you and others here are actually Better qualified than the professionals because many of you when ould understand what it actually feels like when the system fails you or if you suffer from depression. The experiences I've posted are from 20 years ago before the computer age really took off so at that time I had no access to the internet. It was actually a couple of years later and thanks to a doctor who saw an advert by a local charity in a local magazine, that enabled me to reach out to other carers who understood what I was going through. It's only caring understanding people like you and others on Buzz who can really reach into peoples homes to show that they are not alone and that means much more to me than any counsellor, therapist or other professional who can't offer what lonely people really need - to know that someone genuinely cares about them and they're not alone, even if they feel it.

I'm not sure if it's due to me, the lack of support due to the cuts, or a combination of all those things, or just fate but I just feel that I've almost gone full circle to those days 20 years ago and now I'm struggling to find a way to get my enthusiasm and motivation back to keep going because every way out feels blocked and I can no longer find anywhere that makes me feel I really belong. Many have been where you are, including myself. If you’re sincere which it sounds as though you are, You’ll find your way Weatherpost.




The poster is a very distrusting way of looking at life. It's true that I've learnt to only rely on me to look after myself but "love is a four letter word without which there would be no five letter world" and although "love is freely given and the cost can feel too much to bear", I will always believe that you have to risk allowing someone to unlock your door if you're ever to stand a chance of finding true happiness and not forever living a life of loneliness.



Weatherpoet, Many have been where you are, including myself. If you’re sincere which it sounds as though you are, You’ll find the Love you are seeking.

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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always. – Robin Williams

Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 1 week ago #3320273

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for me, this was a very worthwhile read, filled with so much both personal and informative comments, feelings, situations from members, very informative.

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Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 2 months 1 week ago #3320428

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weatherpoet wrote: I realise this thread is about loneliness affecting your health but after reading this page of posts, please forgive me but I feel I have to ask something. Have any of you actually suffered from depression?

I do understand where each post is coming from and also sure you're aware that there is a big difference between people who enjoy a moan and those who are severely depressed but generalised statements said alone can be rather off putting to those who are encouraged to not remain silent.

For instance, "The mere fact that someone complains about being lonely says a lot about them. It sounds negative and self-pitying, and such people do not attract friends! Some people feed on their own misery and become hypochondriacs." In my experience these people Do attract friends. The Right ones who show kindness, compassion and understanding. I do realise though that there are some people who do seem to enjoy staying home and not making an effort but to look at it from another angle, where do they go? And maybe they would find that motivation if someone would offer to take them there to meet others? Depression takes away your motivation away to make the effort alone, especially if your elderly and have physical problems or no transport. However, depression can affect anyone at any age and still cause the same effect. I would actually much prefer to attempt to help someone who feels depressed than someone who is quite capable and if they wanted a good old moan, I'd let them because in allowing them to release their frustrations you're helping to keep them well by showing they're not alone, someone cares and someone is prepared to listen.

When I lost my father, my mother was alone. She made the effort every day to go for a short walk down the shops and back but she never liked mixing in groups but was very lonely not having someone to talk to so I made a point of visiting every day when possible and if not, ringing her every night. Often she would never stop talking and she knew it but I didn't mind. She also knew I wasn't always taking in everything she said but allowing her to talk or moan I knew helped her. She was my mother and my Best friend.

Jujo. I know you're an Extremely caring person and I do understand what you're saying but sometimes, as I'm sure you're aware, it's not as easy as this. "if a person isolates themselves from the outside world,they are doing themselves no favours,
Fresh air,walking around the country side,can really help clear your mind,
A person has to want to help themselves,
Being cooped up indoors is not good,can cause depression."
This alone is rather generalised so I'm glad you've later added that you understand that not everyone is physically or mentally capable because I know that you do know that. What you've said is your typical good advice that you post on here. The one thing I would add to though is sometimes no matter how much someone wants to help themselves, their mind or situation won't let them. For instance if you said to someone you need to go for a walk to help yourself, as I'm sure you're aware, it's often not that simple because when you already suffer from depression it takes away all your ability to help yourself. Again someone who feels depressed might be encouraged If someone helped to motivate them but someone who is very depressed will find it extremely difficult to help themselves.

QuinT, when you say 'Loneliness can seriously affect your health'. >> Only if YOU let it., this implies that if you get ill because you're lonely then you only have yourself to blame but again it's very generalised because often people are dragged down into the pit and can't prevent it themselves. For instance, if you lose your other half, some will find the loss too unbearable to cope with so they'll retreat to be at home especially if they don't have any friends to turn to. Yes, they can help themselves by finding friends but when you are feeling that low you don't want to feel a burden to anyone so you cut yourself off and fall into depression. Only with help from others is it possible to drag yourself out so it's not always the person themselves to blame by letting it happen. As all things, we have at least two choices. >> Adapt or Wallow. This maybe true but it's a very cold calculating view of approaching loneliness. When you feel that alone, depression can drag you down so quickly leaving you feel powerless to adapt until someone helps you by showing they care and you're not alone. I agree though that some people are stronger than others and they do have the ability to adapt but if someone is feeling very depressed, this and a number of things said here can make the feel that the world id very uncaring when they should be encouraged to reach out to express how they're feeling because that's the only way they can be helped.

Over the years I've heard many news stories but there have been more than a few that have upset me. Years ago when I was going through my very low spell where I took an od that nearly ended my life because I felt so alone and there was no one to talk to, there was a news story I heard on tv where a mother who cared for 2 severely disabled children jumped off a bridge with them. Can you imagine how alone she must have felt caring 24hrs a day because often they feel it's their responsibility and then imagine being told you need to go for a walk, or to stop moaning or that she'll never find friends if she does or that she needs to adapt? Can you imagine just how alone she must have felt and how desperate she must have felt to talk to someone who showed they care? I remember social services saying they did all they could but sometimes we, the public, should look after each other and be more sympathetic and understanding towards people who feel alone no matter what they want to do with their lives.

I can also remember other stories about mothers and their children, and the neighbours being interviewed afterwards saying how shocked they were. Really? If you know someone in your street is caring 24hrs a day we shouldn't just assume that they are happy. After all, put yourself in their position. And it's not just carers, the elderly man living alone or the single woman, not everyone is capable of finding happiness by themselves and if they're neglected or made to feel they just need to nap out of it, they'll be more likely to retreat even more and end up doing what I did more than once.

All I would ask, is be careful about generalising and remember that people in need will hide away if they feel no one is understanding or appears uncaring, even if they actually do care as I know you do.

During my bad spell, a doctor told me that he had genuinely ill people to treat and a nurse told me to think of my wife. Both comments just made me feel I was invisible which added to my feeling of being alone. The one thing that can Really affect someone's health when they feel so alone just as I am now, is being made to feel that people don't understand what it actually feels like to feel alone no matter what I attempt and that no one really cares what happens to me.

Lastly, picture yourself being kept awake every night until 7am, being allowed just a few hours sleep then being left to do all those tedious chores, not even being allowed to use your own loo with no one to comfort you. I know, you'll say I should stop moaning, not be self-pitying and I should leave but life isn't always black and white and I couldn't live with my conscience by enforcing loneliness on to someone I care about, especially when suicide runs in the family.


A very balanced & caring post WP. :xxx:
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Loneliness can seriously affect your health - Buzz50 can help 1 month 4 weeks ago #3327511

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I have a saying on my refrigerator.
Lonely is not being alone but the feeling that no one cares
. I had a dr I saw for 10 years saying I was the loneliest person he has ever saw with a cat. My life got even worst as did my physical ailments which has isolated me even more. If you looked at me you never know what or why I went for 10 yrs. situation caused more isolating loss of sleep and more osterarthris which caused more pain loss of independence and no help from anyone. I will only say I lost my family. Because I was unaware what drugs were or abuise was . My grown children didn’t want the garage that it caused so they walked away.

Lonely effects your mental health as well as your physical. Sometimes you just can’t move your frozen . I’ve been trying to move and get a divorce for over 10 years physically the longer I wait I won’t be able to walk if I don’t get a back operation etc. I want to move sell my home buy a rv and travel .
I. Have a free home in sc to stay in while I look for a home but how I hurt all over from 30 hand operations, to finally saying yes to back and knee surgery. I’ll have to leave most of my life and belonging behind , did call a real estate agent .if looking at me you’d never know how much sadness and pain I’m in even day.

I’ve had three chances to live dr found Brain Annersyum bleed on table next month, got hit by ball lighting in my cellar, rope broke . So I’m here still because I guess god doesn’t want me yet.

Pain was and is unbearable being rejected and alone with not one person who cares if I live or die. I found out on that one .

I m finally getting to a place to put that away but I still have to accept I cantt do any more what I used to. The physical Pain has finally put me in a place I want to move on . I want to get out and smile again see knew things and feel better this is hell living this way . I don’t want to be that loneliness woman with a cat, who was being treated for major depression.

I found a group of 80 yr old veterans at Dunkin’ Donuts who I sit with occasionally and I don’t drink coffee. How it came to be. Was I was attacked carrying a veterans flag by Antfia. They thought if was funny I chased the guy. I’ve noticed I don’t go much to see them my sadness is getting worst with more pain which brings me more isolation and loneliness , I feel I don’t fit any place.
Just sitting here writing my hands are going numb from my back as my legs
So loneliness and pain goes to gether as well as depression. Know one is going to do it for you if comes from with within I wish every ones peace and no more pain and sadness or loneliness.
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