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TOPIC: "Seeing yourself as others see you"

"Seeing yourself as others see you" 6 days 2 hours ago #3126367

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Please note, before anyone gets too worried, this thread OP is being said "tongue in cheek", (okay?).

Over the years I've troubled a good many forum members concerning father's rights, and now I'm here to sincerely apologise.

Obviously, I see it now, finally, the way other people see me as a father.

I've ruined the first twelve years of my daughter's life by trying to have contact with her, albeit the courts, and my ex. permitted it for a while (they're all allowed a few mistakes hey, just as my ex. said quite correctly our marriage was a mistake).

How my daughter managed to thrive in such awful circumstances is a wonder, overcoming a stammer that developed when her parents parted, being top scholar at her school, and now a fully qualified surgeon, happily married, and mother of two fine boys.

Of course, when she said to her father as a child "Keep coming daddy", that was simply the foolish thoughts of a child and wiser heads should have intervened. Clearly as a father, as I expect the interests of the parent should be considered when making decisions are made about contact, I am completely in breach of the requirement to consider the child's interests above my own on every occasion. As I wasn't able to show complete selflessness, as required of me, I was a bad father, and should not ever have been allowed any contact with my child. It was completely beyond me to form any kind of positive relationship with my child, as those marvellously intuitive court welfare officers were able to recognise within minutes of seeing my daughter assert she didn't enjoy contact with me.

How I can have brought about such suffering on fellow forum members, nagging them about fathers rights so often, and my poor ex. who was totally innocent of the charges I made against her, that she'd influenced our daughter in some way, well it beggars belief.

I should never have been permitted to have a child in the first place, and once one arrived the sooner I was out of the picture the better (along with all those other excluded fathers in the UK, said to be 70% excluded within two years of the relationship with the mother breaking up - all far better for the child that they're gone from their lives).

How can I make amends, especially towards my daughter of course, obviously by never darkening her door, if she should ever be foolish enough to contemplate contacting me again after twenty odd years, and thank you to all forum members who have assisted me in coming finally to these conclusions .
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"Seeing yourself as others see you" 6 days 39 minutes ago #3126420

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Anyone who can wear that T-shirt can’t be all bad :laugh:
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"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 23 hours ago #3126434

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Actually, i see you as feeling sorry for your self and feeling a bit down their grahamg, how do you think your daughter came to be who she is? takes two to make a baby, well back then it did ...lol... our lives are filled with many complications m8 and no one knows for sure what would or will happen, so get a whiskey out make a cuppa put a tot in it then smile to your self and say yep i helped make her ... no good looking to deep m8 ...well done on your Daughters life smile.png
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"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 23 hours ago #3126443

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Over the years I have bored friends, neighbours, relatives and acquaintances into oblivion with my analysis as to what went wrong in my family to leave me with an 'eggshell' relationship with one of my children.
I have come to the conclusion that during our lives we mostly do what we think is right at the time. Sometimes, though, we get it wrong. We are human, not perfect, learning all the time even as we age.
The following user(s) said Well Said: jennilin, grahamg, Miesque

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"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 23 hours ago #3126446

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The problem as I see it is, there are a good many people who feel they NEVER do anything wrong !
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Miesque

"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 23 hours ago #3126453

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Miesque wrote: The problem as I see it is, there are a good many people who feel they NEVER do anything wrong !


Usually the ones who finish every sentence with "And I don't care what anyone says...".
There are know all's everywhere.
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"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 23 hours ago #3126456

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This could very well be true PG. They keep coming in my direction.

'Economical with the truth', I believe is the term used these days. I'll stick with 'lying'. Can't be doing with liars.
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Miesque
Last Edit: by Miesque. Reason: added to

"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 20 hours ago #3126513

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I guess every case is different, when my ex and I split, she moved out of state and took the kids with her. I stayed in my kids lives and kept up my end of parenting the best I could. It wasn't long that the kids came back to live with me permanently, their choosing not mine. I wouldn't have put that on the kids. They love their Mom, they love me, and live pretty close by me even now. People make mistakes one way or the other, we are all flawed in some way. There are no licenses to have kids or classes to tell us how to be a parent or a good person. We are our accumulation of our lives and how we react and make do with that. Neither of us gave up on being a parent. We kids, no matter how hard our upbringing never give up on our parents either, or at least I didn't. It's never too late to love a parent or a kid, even to the last second!



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"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 20 hours ago #3126516

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Toffee wrote:
Actually, i see you as feeling sorry for your self and feeling a bit down their grahamg, how do you think your daughter came to be who she is? takes two to make a baby, well back then it did ...lol... our lives are filled with many complications m8 and no one knows for sure what would or will happen, so get a whiskey out make a cuppa put a tot in it then smile to your self and say yep i helped make her ... no good looking to deep m8 ...well done on your Daughters life smile.png


You may be right there, but in case no one noticed I am having a bit of a go at those who keep telling me "there's two sides to every story", or words to that effect, (meaning they don't completely swallow my side of things, as perhaps they can't).

However, I am rationalising what has happened in my life too, and if those who can only ever see family law being based upon one paramount criteria in all circumstances will have their way, as they do now, I cannot see any chance for fathers like myself maintaining any kind of relationship with their children after a marriage breakup (and what's more, "its a good thing they're out of the picture" - only joking as you know!).
The following user(s) said Well Said: Aida

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"Seeing yourself as others see you" 5 days 18 hours ago #3126600

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grahamg wrote:

Toffee wrote:
Actually, i see you as feeling sorry for your self and feeling a bit down their grahamg, how do you think your daughter came to be who she is? takes two to make a baby, well back then it did ...lol... our lives are filled with many complications m8 and no one knows for sure what would or will happen, so get a whiskey out make a cuppa put a tot in it then smile to your self and say yep i helped make her ... no good looking to deep m8 ...well done on your Daughters life smile.png


You may be right there, but in case no one noticed I am having a bit of a go at those who keep telling me "there's two sides to every story", or words to that effect, (meaning they don't completely swallow my side of things, as perhaps they can't).

However, I am rationalising what has happened in my life too, and if those who can only ever see family law being based upon one paramount criteria in all circumstances will have their way, as they do now, I cannot see any chance for fathers like myself maintaining any kind of relationship with their children after a marriage breakup (and what's more, "its a good thing they're out of the picture" - only joking as you know!).


I don't know about the laws in the UK, I do know, if the kid or kids have a good prospective and developed the way it sounds like in your case, they will eventually "find" you. We all become aware of time. Time stalks us all our lives. Even a lot of adopted children have that instinct to find their natural parents. I didn't have a good relationship with my Dad after my parents split. I grew up with my Mom and Step dad. But always tried to swim up stream so to speak and make the effort to be in his life regardless if he wanted much to do with me or not. By the way, I'm not a bad person, so the issue was his, but that doesn't matter. Even to his last days, I continued to make an effort.
The following user(s) said Well Said: altshovel, Maryjoolz, jennilin, photogeek, Serena77, Zadra

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