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TOPIC: Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2

Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 4 years 8 months ago #2594002

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Never be satisfied with second best!
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Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 1 week ago #3562400

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I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving...
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Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 1 week ago #3562831

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A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there's nobody home.”

I went over.

Nobody was home.
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Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 1 week ago #3563755

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I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off...
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Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 6 days ago #3564141

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.

A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over...
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Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 5 days ago #3564606

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Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent...
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Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 5 days ago #3564621

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A woman is looking for a Christmas present for her husband. She walks by a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot. The price is $50.

“Why so little?” she asks. The store manager says, “This bird used to live in a brothel and has a kind of a vulgar mouth.”

The woman decides to buy the parrot anyway. She brings the parrot home and puts his cage near the Christmas tree. First thing the bird says is, “New house, new madam.” She's a little shocked but figures that’s not so bad.

When her two daughters get home from school, the bird sees them and says, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The woman is surprised, but she figures the parrot will straighten out once it figures out who everybody is.

A little while later, the woman’s husband, Frank, comes home from work. As he walks in the door, the bird says: “Hi Frank.”
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"The owl of Minerva takes its flight only when the shades of night are gathering." Georg Hegel

Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 3 days ago #3565063

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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.

It’s impossible to put down...
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Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 2 days ago #3565612

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Too funny....I just read this! :lol:

Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them."

'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."

"Well, we have them, and you could have."

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.

"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"

"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."

"But I didn't!"

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

♥•.✽
The following user(s) said Well Said: cahoots, oldal, MoonlitRoads63, AngelButterfly, Chris P Bacon, Cats Meow

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"money buys everything,
but ............common sense."

Just for laughs - NO pictures! Part 2 6 months 2 days ago #3565723

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Two things I learned from online dating ...​

Geography and disappointment!
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When somebody said “10 years back” ...
Despite everything,
you think about the mid 90s!
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