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TOPIC: MaGnUm's Jokes

MaGnUm's Jokes 6 days 7 hours ago #3294715

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A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, "I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say 'one, two, three and you'll get the largest erection you've ever had. After your wife's been satisfied, simply say 'one, two, three, four and it will disappear for 12 months."
Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, "Watch this! One, two, three!" His member becomes larger and stiffer than ever before.
His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, "That's great! But what did you say 'one, two, three for'?

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MaGnUm's Jokes 4 days 7 hours ago #3295925

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he
observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This
too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from
school and go get dinner."

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The following user(s) said Well Said: Topsy

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RULE #1: Women are always right.

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Last edit: by MaGnUm.

MaGnUm's Jokes 3 days 10 hours ago #3296448

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After the eighty seven year old lady finished her annual physical examination, the doctor said,
"You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said.
She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:

"Bob, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush you could hear a pin drop.

Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told you a hundred times....What we have is…

BLUE CROSS!"

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MaGnUm's Jokes 1 day 6 hours ago #3297718

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A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.
As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt." She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.
Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us! Now, he must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.
Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt... and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said... "I donna know where y'been lad... but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"

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MaGnUm's Jokes 7 hours 20 minutes ago #3298244

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Mr.Smith and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sat down on a bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot.

Suddenly Mrs. Smith realized that a young man was about to propose.

Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."

Smith said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."

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The following user(s) said Well Said: T65KBK

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RULE #1: Women are always right.

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